April: Musicians Who Think They’re Actors, Round Two

Remember that month when we watched movies in which musicians who think they can act completely embarrass themselves? Yeah, that was five years ago. Sheesh.

Anyway, we’re doing it again.

April 1: Big Money Rustlas (2010) — No, it’s not an April Fool’s joke—it’s the Insane Clown Posse wild-west epic. Enough said.

April 8: The All-Nighter (1987) — A vehicle for Susanna Hoffs (The Bangles) directed by her mother. This movie is so bad that it has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. A critic for the Chicago Reader: “Hard to say what this is really, except maybe an inadvertent documentary on child abuse.”

April 15: Under the Cherry Moon (1986) — Prince made this movie about two years after Purple Rain. It won “Razzie” awards for worst picture, actor, supporting actor … it goes on. Plot: Prince is a gold-digger musician living in France who tries to seduce an heiress with the help of his friend Tricky. It’s all in black and white, and the camp is totally over the top.

April 22: Disorderlies (1987) — Hey, remember the Fat Boys? Remember the slapstick comedy they made in which they play orderlies hired by a scheming nephew to kill his uncle?

April 29: Moonwalker (1988) — I watched this movie so many times when I was a kid. Joe Pesci as a criminal mastermind with a tarantula-filled secret lair … the totally creepy and awesome claymation … the gigantic MJ-shaped robot spaceship thing … a true classic.

March: Post-Apocalyptic Movies from the 80s

In the 1980s, in the wake of Mad Max, there came a slew of low-budget features that are so bizarre and convoluted that you might mistake them for surrealist masterpieces.

March 4 — Land of Doom (1986): Roving motorcycle gangs rule the post-apocalyptic future. For more, check out this ridiculously detailed description (SPOILER WARNING) on Wikipedia.

March 11 — She (1982): Ostensibly based on the novel by H. Rider Haggard, this incredible film features werewolves in togas, a psychokinetic communist with an SM cult, a robot Frankenstein’s monster, and chainsaw-wielding leprosy mummies. And that’s just a small portion of the craziness.

March 18 — Future Kill (1985): In a world where anti-nuke protestors dress up like mutants and roam the post-apocalyptic city streets, frat boys find themselves in a vicious battle with real mutants. Wait, what? All I really know about this movie is that H. R. Giger did the theatrical poster artwork, and I seriously doubt that it reflects in any way the content of the movie.

March 25 — She-Wolves of the Wasteland (1987): Yeah, it’s called “She-Wolves of the Wasteland.” I guarantee there are going to be lots of scantily-clad women wrestling with each other. That’s pretty much it.