Did you know that there have been over a dozen low-budget evil-clown movies made in the last decade? It’s true. (Note that this list may change depending on whether or not I can get a couple of movies…)

January 1: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) — I’ll admit it: this movie scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. The clowns, not so much, but being encased in a bubble of cotton candy to later be sucked out through a straw and eaten…gah.

January 8: It (1990) — Pennywise. Is he not the most iconic evil clown of all time? Creepy, creepy, creepy.

January 15: The Clown Murders (1976) — It seems like this one isn’t actually so much about scary clowns as it is about kidnapping the boss’s wife while wearing clown suits, and then some people get killed or something. Apparently, it also includes a sex scene with a very young John Candy.

January 22: Killjoy (2000) — Billing itself as “new urban horror,” this Full Moon Features production looks like it might be as good as Leprechaun in the Hood.

January 29: Herencia Diabolica (1994) — An evil clown doll murders people that are mean to him. Hopefully I will be able to find a subtitled version of this amazing-looking Mexican horror movie…

December 4: Youngblood (1986)— Sexy farm boy Rob Lowe wants to be a pro hockey player, and ends up on a minor-league team with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.

December 11: Road House (1989)— Martial artist. Bouncer. Philosopher. The Swayz’ at his finest.

December 18: Next of Kin (1989)— Patrick Swayze is a Chicago cop looking for justice after his brother is killed by the mob. Will he stick to the side of the law, or take the side of his hick brother (Liam Neeson) in delivering some extralegal vengeance? Hicksploitation in the big city!

December 25: Red Dawn (1984)— Patrick Swayze leads a group of high-school kids in fightin’ the Commies when Russia invades their small town. NO POTLUCK. Instead, we’ll have a traditional Jewish Christmas at Great Wall Chinese. (More details to come.)

11/6: ThanksKilling (2009) — “Gobble gobble, motherfucker!” Yes, it’s a horror movie about a killer turkey. Since this was only made a few years ago, following our past experiences at potluck I fear that this may be too terrible even for us…we’ll see.
11/13: Blood Freak (1972) — Oh, Blood Freak. What can I say about this movie, except that it’s a sordid tale of drug abuse, turkey farming, and blood drinking. To say any more would spoil it. Don’t miss this one, seriously.
11/20: Bloody Bird (aka Stagefright) (1987) — OK, so there are no turkeys in this one…but there is a serial killer with an owl mask hacking up a bunch of actors. Michele Soavi (Cemetery Man) directs his first feature film.
11/27: Home Sweet Home (1981) — A mental patient escapes on Thanksgiving and wrecks a family’s holiday. Nothing wrong with an 80s slasher about Thanksgiving!

October 2: Dirty Dancing (1987) — Patrick Swayze dances all sexy-like. Fun fact: the famous track “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” has been listed as the “third most popular song played at funerals” in the UK.

October 9: Footloose (1984) — A very young Kevin Bacon plays a modern city boy transplanted to a small Midwestern town where dancing is outlawed.

October 16: Saturday Night Fever (1977) — A very young John Travolta is a store clerk by day, disco-dancing king by night.

October 23: Breakin’ (1984) — A struggling jazz dancer takes to the streets and becomes a breakdancing sensation. (Possibly followed by Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, if people are up for it.)

October 30: Flashdance — (1983) — Jennifer Beals is a steel-town girl on a Saturday night, and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.

August 7: Don’t Go in the House (1980) — Abused as a child by his sadistic mother, disturbed loner Donny unleashes his pent-up misogyny when mommy dearest passes away. Luring unsuspecting women to his home, Donny shackles his victims in a fireproof room, where they end up on the business end of a flamethrower.

August 14: Don’t Go in the Woods … Alone (1982) — Four young backpackers are stalked through the wilderness by a deranged, maniacal backwoods killer.

August 21: Don’t Go Near the Park (1981) — As punishment for cannibalizing their tribe’s children, two members of an ancient Neanderthal clan are cursed with aging for eternity but never dying. In an attempt to recapture their stolen youth, the pair now preys on the humans that visit the local park. Featuring scream queen Linnea Quigley!

August 28: Don’t Go in the Basement (a.k.a Don’t Look in the Basement) (1973) — Stephens Sanitarium is an experimental asylum for the criminally psychotic. On Nurse Beale’s first day of work, an axe-wielding lunatic murders the head doctor at the sanitarium, and the inmates take over the asylum…

July 3: NO POTLUCK

July 10: Meatballs (1979) — In his first starring role, Bill Murray plays goofy camp counselor Tripper, who tries to lure shy camper Rudy out of his shell. Rudy helps Tripper woo head counselor Roxanne while the campers prepare for a showdown with a rival camp.

July 17: Sleepaway Camp (1983) — When the happy and hormonal teenage campers of Camp Arawak begin to die in a series of horrible accidents, they discover that someone — or something — has turned their summer of fun into a vacation to dismember. Has a dark secret returned from the camp’s past … or will an unspeakable horror end the season forever? And what’s the deal with shy camper Angela, anyway?

AND/OR:

The Burning (1981) — Years after a summer camp janitor is severely burned and disfigured as the result of a teenage prank gone awry, he’s released from the local insane asylum and returns to the scene of the crime to seek revenge against those who harmed him. Several yet-to-be-famous stars pop up in this classic summer-camp horror film, including Holly Hunter and Jason Alexander of “Seinfeld.”

July 24: NO POTLUCK

July 31: Wet Hot American Summer (2001) — It’s the last day of summer for Camp Firewood’s staff and patrons, and everyone wants a final shot at some action. Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, and Michael Showalter star in this spoof on summer-camp camp.

The Three Laws of Robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

…yeah, right.

June features three movies about robots running amok and killing their human masters.

6/5: Robocop 2 (1990) — Peter Weller IS: Robocop. This sequel pits Robocop against a new designer drug called “Nuke.” But there’s more: the evil corporate empire that created Robocop intends to develop a larger and more powerful version to replace the original.

6/12: NO POTLUCK. Come join us at the Another Hole in the Head film festival for some very special films.

6/19: Runaway (1984) — Michael Crichton’s sci-fi thriller about machines gone bad. Sgt. Jack Ramsey (Tom Selleck) is the police robotics expert on the case when evil genius Dr. Charles Luthor (Kiss front man Gene Simmons) unleashes his reprogrammed androids.

6/26 Death Machine (1994) — Brad Dourif stars as the creator of the ultimate killing machine, an android that tracks victims by sensing fear. Guess what—shit gets out of control real fast.

When home video recorders first started to appear in the UK in the 1970s, there was little legislation to regulate the content of videos distributed for home viewing. This was a boon for independent horror producers, who could get their films into distribution without having to try to get them passed by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) – which was required for theatrical release. Horror geeks were pleased as punch about this, and feasted on gory, trashy, low-budget horror videos until about 1982, when public awareness of low-budget horror videos hit; the term “video nasty” was coined to describe these movies, and the Obscene Publications Act began to be enforced to weed out those films that might “deprave and corrupt” their viewers.

If the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) felt that a video might be violating the Act, they could prosecute the film’s producers, distributors, and retailers; police were granted authority to seize videos from retailers if they even suspected they might be obscene. Naturally, video sellers were not keen on police showing up and taking their stock, so they asked the DPP to give them guidelines on what would and would not be confiscated. Thus, the “video nasties” list was born: a relatively short list of those films that had been successfully prosecuted on obscenity charges, or where the DPP already had a case in progress.

The list was first made public in June 1983 and was modified monthly as prosecutions failed or were dropped. In total, seventy-two separate films appeared on the list at one time or another. (Check out the original list here on the great slasher resource Hysteria Lives!)

Ultimately, the list became obsolete when the 1984 Video Recordings Act came into force, which ruled that the BBFC was now required to certify both theatrical and home video releases.

May 1: Driller Killer (1979) — The original video nasty! When the UK distributors of Driller Killer took out full-page ads in several magazines, outraged citizens began to call for violent and gory horror videos to be banned. It was still only available in a cut version until 2002; now in the public domain.

May 8: The Toolbox Murders (1978) — Features deaths by power drill, nail gun, and hammer. No deaths by belt sander or socket wrench, sadly. (Apparently Tobe Hooper remade this in 2003, but I’ve heard it wasn’t very good.)

May 15: Eaten Alive (1977) — Poor Judd. All he wants to do is hang out with his pet crocodile in peace. Instead, he’s continually harassed by a number of visitor — and, well, his old buddy does need to eat, sometimes. Includes a brief but memorable appearance by Robert Englund. (“My name is Buck, and I like to…”) Directed by Tobe Hooper.

May 22: The Boogeyman (1980) — Lacey had a pretty messed up childhood, having watched her little brother murder her mom’s boyfriend. In an effort to help Lacey get over it, husband Jake and psychiatrist Dr. Warren (John Carradine) take her back to the home of her youth, to reassure her that everything is different now. But is it? Duhn duhn DUHN….

May 29: Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971) — Black comedy / slasher / giallo by the master Mario Bava. From the video blurb: “The day a group of pleasure seeking teenagers wander into a deserted leisure centre coincides with the callous murder of the widow owner of the property. Her death is just the beginning of a blood bath.” Big inspiration for Friday the 13th and Friday the 13th Part 2, which would come nearly a decade after the release of this movie. (Watch for the lovers-impaled-from-under-the-bed scene!) Also known as Bay of Blood.

*This info mostly cribbed from Wikipedia.

4/3: Smokey and the Bandit (1977) — Burt Reynolds is a good ol’ boy who races cars and is on a mission to illegally transport some beer from Texas to Atlanta. Sheriff “Smokey” Justice (Jackie Gleason) follows in hot pursuit.

4/10: White Lightning (1973) — Burt Reynolds is a good ol’ boy who runs moonshine and squares off against his nemesis, a sheriff (Ned Beatty) who has as little regard for the law as Burt does.

4/17: Gator (1976) — Burt Reynolds reprises his role as Gator, an ex-criminal-turned-crime-fighter, in this sequel to White Lightning. This time around, he’s after a band of corrupt politicians.

4/24: The Longest Yard (1974) — Burt Reynolds is washed-up National Football League quarterback Paul “Wrecking” Crewe, who’s sent to jail and forced to put together an inmate gridiron team to take on a group of cocky prison guards. But when the warden tells Crewe to throw the game, the former pro must choose between himself and his team.

Masoor Dal (Red Lentils)

1 T peanut oil
1/4 tsp mustard seed
1 tsp cumin seed
1 tsp minced fresh ginger
1 T garam masala
pinch cayenne
1 c diced onion
2 c dry masoor dal (red or pink lentils)
6 cups vegetable stock
14oz. canned diced tomatoes
salt to taste (depending on how salty your stock is)
1/2 cup fresh cilantro, diced

Heat the peanut oil in a medium pot. Throw in the mustard and cumin seeds and cover; the mustard seeds will “pop” almost immediately. After about 10 seconds add the onions and stir to coat with the oil and spices. Cook on medium-low heat for 7-10 minutes, until translucent. Add tomatoes, ginger, garam masala, and cayenne and stir; cook for a minute, then add lentils and stock. Cover and simmer on low for 30-40 minutes, until lentils are well cooked and the flavor of the masala has been absorbed. Add salt at this point if necessary; a lot of pre-made stocks or bouillon will make the dal salty enough on its own. If desired, use an immersion blender to make it even creamier. Stir in the chopped cilantro and serve.